Finger Jokes

Jalapeno business! ha ha.. haha.. ha love this joke (Usually accompanied with three snaps of the fingers in the shape of the letter Z and moving my head from side to side)

What do you get when you ask a proctologist for a second opinion?

Two fingers.

What do you call a judge that doesn't have any fingers?

Justice Thumbs

Why do people with no arms have difficulty remembering?

Because they can't put their finger on it.

What happened to the little Dutch boy after he put his finger in the dyke?

she shattered his jaw!

How can you tell if a black guy is well hung?

You can't fit your finger between the noose and his neck.

What's the difference between hematologists and urologists?

A hematologist pricks fingers.

Why do bald guys have holes in their pockets?

So they can run their fingers through their hair.

How did the Pianist play without fingers?

Not very well at all...

Why did the bald guy cut a hole in his pocket?

Because he wanted to run his fingers through his hair.

What did the booger say to the finger?

Pick on someone your own size.

Why do you want to be a psychiatrist?

pictures clients acting like chickens after I click my fingers* I want to help people

What do the Unabomber and a girl from Alabama have in common?

They were both fingered by their brother.

How does an idiot call for his dog?

He puts two fingers in his mouth and then shouts Rover.

What kind of monster can sit on the end of your finger?

The bogeyman.

How does a blonde call for her dog?

She puts two fingers in her mouth and then shouts "Max!".

What can you get off with your finger that you can't get off with steel wool?

Your girlfriend.

Why did the vampire stand at the bus stop with his finger up his nose?

He was a ghoulsnif fer.

What is WRONG with you?

Me: *slowly counting on fingers* let's see... ok... carry the 1... um... That would be everything

What's your strongest trait?

My fingers. "No, like... Are you pinching me " GIVE ME fighting to maintain pinch THE JOB

How many fingers do I have up?

a gynecologist who thinks he's really funny

What can a monster do that you can't do?

Count up to 25 on his fingers.

What did the five fingers say to the phallus?

FAP!!!"

What's the difference between a bowling ball and a blonde?

You can only fit three fingers inside a bowling ball!

How do you celebrate July 4th in Canada?

Not by getting drunk and blowing off your fingers, because it's just a regular day fir you.

What's the difference between Madonna and a bowling ball ?

You can only fit three fingers in the bowling ball.

What really makes Whinny the Pooh angry?

When other people put two fingers in his honey.

What has a ring but no fingers?

The former owner of a Note 7

Why does pushing my finger against a bottle of Pepsi make me sad?

Because it's soda pressing.

What's the difference between a 6 year old and a 16 year old?

Which hole they stick their finger in when no-one's looking.

When things go wrong, what can you always count on?

Your fingers.

Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?

The noise gave her a headache.

How do kids from chernobyl count to a 100?

On their fingers

What do u call a lesbian with 9in fingers?

Well hung.

How can you get a cannibal to go away?

Give him the finger.

What do women and saxophones have in common?

They both blow and make different noises when you finger them.

Why do bald guys cut holes in their pockets?

So they can run their fingers through their hair.

What did the tailor say when he pricked his finger?

A: Darn!

What's the best kind of guy to get fingered by?

One with Parkinson's disease!

How many fingers does the dragonborn have?

8 fingers and 2 Thu"ums... Unless the dragonborn only has a Haafingar

Why doesn't the Kentucky Fried Chicken use toilet paper?

It's finger licking good.

How did a blind girl burn her fingers?

A. Reading the waffle iron

Why did the hipster burn his fingers?

because he changed the light bulb before it was cool

Why did the dentist divorce the manicurist?

She tried to stick her finger in his cavity.

What has four fingers and a thumb but is not alive?

A glove.) First response: "My Aunt Lydia."

What did the alien say to the gas pump ?

Don't you know its rude to stick your finger in your ear when I'm talking to you !

What four letter word starts with F ends in K and if you can't get it you have to use your hands or fingers...?

A fork

What does my finger and lemon pie have in common?

They both have my rang on them.

What did the finger say to the thumb?

A: I'm in glove with you.

How do you make Peppermint Creme?

Finger it really well.

Why are anorexic people cannibals?

Because they're always putting their fingers in their mouths.

What's the difference between your finger and a hammer?

I don't know! Well you're not using my computer keyboard then!

What did the vampire do to stop his son biting his nails ?

He cut all his fingers off !

Why are powerpuff girls sad?

Nsfw Because they neither have boyfriends nor fingers

This joke may have profanity.

What is the difference between a Gynecologist and a Urologist ?

The smell of their fingers.

What's hairy and has five fingers?

A thalidomide's armpit

What did the 9 year old girl say to her swimming instructor?

Will I really sink if you take your fingers out

Why did the bald man cut a hole in his pocket?

He wanted to run his fingers through his hair.

What does a Duggar girl and the Unabomber have in common?

They have both been fingered by their brother.

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Leg Jokes More Leg Jokes

What do you call someone with no arms and no legs being towed behind your boat?

Skip.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool?

Bob.

Nose Jokes More Nose Jokes

What smells better than it taste?

A nose

Why did the vampire stand at the bus stop with his finger up his nose?

He was a ghoulsnif fer.

3 Finger Jokes More 3 Finger Jokes

What's the difference between a barrel rider, and a can of Copenhagen?

You can only fit 3 fingers in a can of Copenhagen.

How much for this toaster?

An arm & a leg." "How about a leg & 2 fingers " "A leg & 3 fingers." "Deal!" - Cannibal Pawn Stars

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's ok, he woke up.

Why was the Newfie excited when he heard Quebec might leave Canada?

It wouldn't take him as long to drive to Toronto

Good Jokes More Good Jokes

What is the best part of a Jonestown joke?

The punchline

Whats the best part about dating a black girl?

You rarely have to meet their dad.

Gorilla Jokes More Gorilla Jokes

What do you call a gorilla in water?

Harambait.

What political party entices most Gorillas?

The Treepublican Party!

Big Nostril Jokes More Big Nostril Jokes

Why do black people have big nostrils?

Because air is free

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?

Because they got big fingers.

Life Jokes More Life Jokes

Where have you been my whole life?

I said "SOBER"

How do I submit a joke?

Do I hand my life in