Leper Jokes

What did the leper give to the whore?

A tip

This joke may have profanity.

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How could a leper afford a nice house?

It cost an arm and a leg

How does the leper give directions?

It's straight ahead, just my finger".

What do you get when you mix a leper and a con man?

A lepercon. (In honor of Saint Patrick's day.)

Why did the leper fail his driving test?

He left his foot on the clutch.

What do you call a leper in a jacuzzi?

Stew. Bonus: what do you do if an epileptic jumps into a jacuzzi? You throw in your laundry.

Why did the leper chase the leopard?

Because she wanted the D. (I dreamed this joke last night. Not bad for a dream joke.)

What's the hardest part of breaking up with a leper ?

They always leave a piece of themselves behind.

Why did the leper return to the shower?

He forgot his head and shoulders.

What's the difference between a leper and a tree?

A tree has limbs.

What did one leper say to another?

Got yer nose!

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What do you call a leper in a hot tub?

Stew!

What happened when the lepers played poker?

One guy threw down his hand and another laughed his head off. This was my best friend's favorite joke when she was little apparently.

What do you call two lepers in a spar?

Soup

Why do ecologists like lepers?

Because they're biodegradable!

What's the fastest way to make a skeleton?

Put a leper in a wind tunnel

Why did the leper crash his car?

He left his foot on the accelerator.

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Night Jokes More Night Jokes

Why did the leper chase the leopard?

Because she wanted the D. (I dreamed this joke last night. Not bad for a dream joke.)

What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do with most of his time?

Stay up all night wondering if there is a Dog.

Dream Jokes More Dream Jokes

What do you need to have to do the dishes when you don't want to?

Dishcipline This is literally a joke I told in a dream and I remembered it when waking up.

What is it called when you dream in color?

A chromatose

Saint Patrick Jokes More Saint Patrick Jokes

What do you get when you mix a leper and a con man?

A lepercon. (In honor of Saint Patrick's day.)

Why did the pigs paint their hoofs green?

It was Saint Patrick's Day.

Arm Jokes More Arm Jokes

How did Hellen Keller break her arms when she fell down a well?

She was shouting for help.

What do you call a man with no arms?

Anything you want. He is 'armless

Corner Jokes More Corner Jokes

What did one wall say to the other wall?

I'll meet you at the corner!

Why should you stand in a corner when you are cold?

Because corners are

Cancel Jokes More Cancel Jokes

Why is it "canceled" in America, but "cancelled" in England?

Because we gave them that L in 1776.

What do people in Prague call abortions?

Canceled Czechs

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What do women want?

She has been talking nonstop for the last two days.

What do we want? Time travel! When do we want it?

Irrelevant.

Irishman Jokes More Irishman Jokes

What do you call an Irishman with a dangerous bacterial infection?

A leperchaun! :D

What do you call an Irishman that stays out all night?

Patty O'Furniture