What do Aaron Hernandez and Jared Fogle now have in common?

Matching uniforms.

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What do you call a sacred, flammable piece of wood?

A match made in Heaven.

Why couldn't Bing start a fire?

No matches founds

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What's the difference between Jared Fogle's divorce and other divorces?

Most married couples tried to stay together FOR the kids. Not divorce because of them.

How did Jared Fogle lose 40 pounds?

He dumped his girlfriend.

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What do Aaron Hernandez and Edward Snowden have in common?

They're both expatriots (expatriates).

Where should Aaron Hernandez have hidden the evidence?

The Cowboys' endzone because no one goes there