Match Jokes

Why are the new iPhones so skinny?

To match their hipster owners' jeans.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why does a bride wear white on her wedding day?

So the dishwasher matches the appliances

Why can't Roman Reigns light a campfire?

Because he doesn't carry any matches!

What's the difference between awkward and awful?

Awkward is finding your mom on Tinder, awful is matching with her

Why do Italians throw pizza onto the field after they win a match?

Because they rain supreme.

Why does a bride wear white?

So the dishwasher matches the rest of the appliances.

Why is the dating app called Tinder?

When you left-swipe, all of your matches go up in flames.

What do Aaron Hernandez and Jared Fogle now have in common?

Matching uniforms.

What do you call a group of 5 guys named Curtis that are all wearing matching suits?

A Curtis-y flush

Why do Brides wear white?

To match the rest of the household appliances.

Why are almost all brides dresses white?

So the dishwasher matches the washing machine

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why did the groom want his bride to wear white?

He wanted his new dish washer to match his fridge.

Why did the groom ask his bride to wear white?

Because he wanted his dishwasher to match the fridge and stove

How do you make a cat go woof?

Paraffin and matches.

What did the match box say to the match?

You're fired!

Why was the Berlin Wall torn down?

It didn't match with the Iron Curtains.

Why do women wear white wedding dresses?

So the dishwasher can match the refrigerator and stove

Why is it fun to play with matches ?

They're lit.

What for ?

Ref: The rest of the match !

Why don't matches play baseball?

A: One strike, and they're out.

What do people say when you win a game in Egypt?

Game, *Set,* and match.

What do you get when you cross 2 ducks and a match?

Fire Quackers

What do you call a sacred, flammable piece of wood?

A match made in Heaven.

How do you get an elephant into a matchbox ?

Take all the matches out first !

What's the difference between woman's breasts and a box of matches?

The matches are made for adults, but kids constantly grab'em and play with them. The situation is quite opposite with breasts.

Why's he in his underwear?

Batman: So we match. Look, this isn't about me.

How do you make a cat go "Woof!"?

Soak it in petrol and put a match to it. (This is a joke, not and instruction, Reddit)

What do you call 2 metalheads falling in love?

A match maiden heaven

What's the similarity between a match and a black person?

You have to strike them against a rough surface to get them to work.

What do you get if you cross a radio music presenter with Match of the Day ?

DDDDDDDDDDDDDJ !

Why are wedding gowns white?

Cuz the dishwasher should match the stove and the fridge

Why couldn't Bing start a fire?

No matches founds

Why did Hugh Jackman single handedly stop a Franciscan botanist from accidentally dropping a match in the forest?

Because only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

Why are wedding dresses white?

So the dishwasher matches the stove.

What did the angel say when he saw God make the element Phosphorus?

It's a match made in Heaven!

How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?

A: He's the one with the belt buckle that matches the impression in her forehead.

What does a carpenter do after one night stand?

A matching one for the other side of the bed.

How do you change a cat into a dog?

Soak it in gasoline, hold a match up to it, and "woof!"

Why did the wrestlers have to fight in the dark?

A: Their match wouldn't light.

Why does the bride always wear white?

Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.

How do you congratulate a fighter after winning a match?

Good jab.

How do you make a fire with two sticks?

A: Make sure one is a match!

What's a big game hunter?

Someone who's lost his way to the match.

How do you make a cat bark like a dog?

Cover it in lighter fluid and throw a match at it: "WOOF!"

Which do you light first?

The match

Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?

A: It matches their mustaches.

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Germany Jokes More Germany Jokes

Why doesn't Coffee get along with milk in Germany?

Cause it doesn't want to be latte. Sorry. I just came up with this lame joke. Downvotes ahoy!

Why's it so hard to find marathon and triathlon reviews in Germany?

Well, you know what happened last time they picked a race...

Box Jokes More Box Jokes

Why does everyone start to fight the day after Christmas?

Because it's Boxing Day!

What did the blonde say when she looked into the box of Cheerios?

Wow!! Donut seeds!!!!

Adult Jokes More Adult Jokes

How was I supposed to know they meant combined?

They really look like adults, especially the 20-years old

What's the difference between woman's breasts and a box of matches?

The matches are made for adults, but kids constantly grab'em and play with them. The situation is quite opposite with breasts.

Reign Jokes More Reign Jokes

Why is England the wettest country?

Monarchies have reigned there for centuries.

What do a coffee pot, Irene, and the reigning Stanley Cup champions have in common?

They're a-Brew'in!

Pizza Jokes More Pizza Jokes

How do you get the political science grad off your lawn?

Pay for the pizza

What's the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?

My pizza jokes *can't be topped!*

Fowl Jokes More Fowl Jokes

Why did the chicken get a strike?

Because it was a fowl.

What do you call a bunch of chickens playing hide-and-seek ?

Fowl play !

Situation Jokes More Situation Jokes

Why didn't the approaching black hole concern the astronaut?

He didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

What are you doing, idiot?

me, to other drivers on the road "What are you doing, idiot " me, to myself, in all other situations

Football Match Jokes More Football Match Jokes

What lights up a football stadium ?

A football match !

What lights up a football pitch at night?

A football match.......