Why is it fun to play with matches ?

They're lit.

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What's the Primary Directive in a nunnery (convent) ?

Lights out at nine, candles out at ten ...

Where can you find the speed of light?

At C level

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What do Abraham Lincoln and Peyton Manning have in common?

Neither can finish a play.

What do you call a bunch of black kids playing in leaves?

Raisin bran

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What do Aaron Hernandez and Jared Fogle now have in common?

Matching uniforms.

Why do Brides wear white?

To match the rest of the household appliances.