Roman Jokes

What's a pirate's favourite Roman numeral?

You might think it's II, but his true love be the C.

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Why can't Roman Reigns light a campfire?

Because he doesn't carry any matches!

Why did the Romans pay their soldiers in salt?

So they would end up with seasoned veterans.

Why should you never high-five a Roman?

They might give you Hi-V back!

What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?

Gladiator.

What did the Roman say when the Greek accused him of stealing his gods?

It was all a myth-take!

What do you call a lost legion?

A Roman army

How many Roman pirates does it take to change a light bulb?

I I

What is zero in Roman numerals?

Nothing

Why were all Roman buildings made of stone?

They crucified the carpenter.

How did the Roman cut his hair?

Caesar

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What did the Ancient Romans use to cut their hair?

Caesars.

What do you call a Roman fighter with curly hair in his teeth?

Gladiator. (Glad he ate her)

What do you get when you ask for a Roman pinch hitter?

An Italian sub!

What did jesus say to the romans after he rose on the third day and talked about their behavior?

Yall nailed it.

What do Romans use to cut their pizza?

Little Caesars.

What did the Romans say to each other after crucifying Jesus?

Nailed it!"

Why are 490 Romans funny?

Because XD

What do you call a Roman warrior with hair in his mouth?

Gladiator Get it? Glad He Ate Her..

How did Roman magistrates keep fit?

Pontius Pilates.

What did the old Frankish barbarians say to the Roman invasion?

You don't have the to do it!"

Why was Jesus I such good shape?

Crossfit. Why did the Romans hate Jesus so much? He wouldn't shut up about crossfit.

How did the Romans split up their empire?

With a pair of Caesars. (Thanks )

What did the Roman premature ejaculater say?

Veni, Vidi, Veni.

Why was the dieting Roman so thrilled?

His toga size went from L to XL.

What was a poor Roman citizen's favorite breakfast?

Fruity Plebbles.

What's it called when a Roman sees too many flashing colors?

A Julius Seizure.

How many Romans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Why did the Romans build straight roads ?

So their soldiers didn't go around the bend !

Why didn't the Romans find algebra very challenging?

Because X was always 10

What do Romans say when their wives run away?

Caesar!

What mouse was a Roman emperor ?

Julius Cheeser !

When in Rome do as the Romans you know?

Slaughters entire office and imposes grain taxes on peasantry

What do you call a Roman with pubic hair in his teeth?

Gladiator

What is it called when a Roman gets really sick?

Chicken Pox Romana

What do you call a smiling Roman with a hair in his teeth?

Gladiator.

What taste good?

Tender: I usually like rum in Diet Coke. Man: how do you get a Roman in a Diet Coke Tender: *facepalm*

Why did the roman only smoke 490 blunts and not 500?

Because XD

Why are 490 Romans are funny ?

Because XD Edit : Sorry about the typo the second are is not supposed to be here

What people travel the most?

Romans.

What is a Roman wrestlers favorite meal?

JOHN CENA

What do you call a Roman with a hair in his teeth?

Gladiator.

What Roman dictator suffered from Epilepsy?

Julius Seizure.

What did Romans use to cut pizza before the rolling cutter was invented?

Lil Caesars

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What did Asian Jesus say before he was crucified?

OC) YORO (You only resurrect once)

What did they call Jesus Christ when he was crucified?

Holy

Carry Jokes More Carry Jokes

Why did the cowboy ride his horse?

Because the horse was too heavy to carry.

Why do you need to carry radioactive materials in sealed, lead containers?

To stop it from falling out.

Wear Jokes More Wear Jokes

What aftershave do monsters wear?

Brute.

Why does a golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he gets a hole in one!

Change Jokes More Change Jokes

What's black and steals your change?

Vending machines.

How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years

Cut Jokes More Cut Jokes

What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?

A: No one cries when you cut up a bagpipe.

How do frat boys cut down trees?

With a sah, dude

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between your finger and a hammer?

I don't know! Well you're not using my computer keyboard then!

What's the difference between dreams and memes?

I haven't given up on my memes yet

Seizure Jokes More Seizure Jokes

What do you do when you see someone having a seizure in a bathtub?

Throw in a load of dirty laundry and some detergent.

What do you call a epileptic roman emperor?

Just had a Seizure. (too those who dont get it read it out loud quickly)

Pay Jokes More Pay Jokes

Why do they thank me in the cafeteria when I pay for my food like I had a choice?

Just tell me "enjoy the diarrhea" and I'll move along.

Why do we have to sit at red lights if nobody's coming the other way?

We don't have to pay our taxes if nobody's checking, right