Why do they thank me in the cafeteria when I pay for my food like I had a choice?

Just tell me "enjoy the diarrhea" and I'll move along.

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Thank Jokes More Thank Jokes

How the hell did you get a body like that?

he asked. "Thanks," I said, "That's very flattering." He said, "Not really mate."

What do u say?

SON: I WILL CRUSH MY ENEMIES ME: *nervous laughter* No, the other thing SON: Oh. Thank you

Pay Jokes More Pay Jokes

Why do we have to sit at red lights if nobody's coming the other way?

We don't have to pay our taxes if nobody's checking, right

Why did the janitor take early retirement?

Because he realized that grime doesn't pay.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How can you tell when an Italian car has a flat tire?

Dago wop wop wop

How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?

Tell her a joke on Wednesday!

Enjoy Jokes More Enjoy Jokes

What do you get when you cross an ape with a calculator?

A Hairy Reasoner. (Andy Rooney used to enjoy this one)

Why does an actor enjoy his work so much?

Because it's all play.

Choice Jokes More Choice Jokes

What's an MLG's smartphone of choice?

An HTC One M8.

What has 8 arms, is ominous looking and ink is its weapon of choice?

An octopus " "No Jeff, the answer is my wife's 4 divorce attorneys"

Food Jokes More Food Jokes

What kind of food do zombies hate?

Fast food

Why are there so many Asians?

Its the food. There is too much raw dog. Heard it on Adam Carolla's Podcast. A caller phoned in and told it to Adam. Thought you guys would like it.

Diarrhea Jokes More Diarrhea Jokes

Why do they thank me in the cafeteria when I pay for my food like I had a choice?

Just tell me "enjoy the diarrhea" and I'll move along.

What animal has two gray feet and two brown feet?

An elephant with diarrhea.