What do you get when you ask for a Roman pinch hitter?

An Italian sub!

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Why are criminals so good at basketball?

They shoot first and ask questions later.

What is the question most frequently asked by a philosopher?

Would you like ketchup with your chips

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What's the difference between a Canadian and an Italian?

Where the "eh" is in the sentence. Canadian: "How you doin, eh " Italian: "Eh! How you doin "

What do you call a squashed Italian?

A Nepalitano. Oh yeah - wait a sec - OK - for the low-info crowd here:

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How did the Roman cut his hair?

Caesar

What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?

Gladiator.