What do you call a turtle without its shell?

Dead.

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What did the turtle do when he ran out of gas?

He went to the Shell station.

Why did the shell not go to the beach?

Because he was self-CONCH-ious.

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How's your love life?

Well, I went on a date. 45 minutes in I realized it was a turtle in a wig. "I'm sorry man" it's ok. still got laid.

What do you call a turtle with a hard on?

A slow poke.