What do you call Figrin D'an's first born boy?

Son of a Bith!

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What's the suite number on that address?

8: It just says "Hashtag 301." Me: Before hashtags were born, those were called number signs.

Why do doctors slap babies bums when then are born?

Because the balls fall off of the stupid ones.

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Why are Mumford & Sons the only agnostic rock band?

Because they don't even know if they believe.

What did the buffalo say to his kid when he went off to college?

Bye, son."