What do you call playing chess against yourself?

Chessturbation.

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Why wouldn't the sow let her piglets play with toads?

She didn't want them to grow into wart hogs.

Where does the Internet football team play?

Webley.

Chess Jokes More Chess Jokes

What do you call a crowd of chess players bragging about their wins in a hotel lobby?

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

What's a pirate's favorite move in chess?

Check, matey.