Chess Jokes

What does a blanket say to the other after a game of chess?

Well plaid.

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Why are Americans bad at chess?

They lost two towers

Why can't America play chess?

They are missing 2 towers

Why is the USA so bad at chess?

Because they are missing two towers.

Why can't New Yorkers play chess?

They're short 2 towers.

Why can't Americans play chess ?

Because they are missing two towers.

Why doesn't Michael Jackson play chess?

Because he's dead.

Why does Bob Seger always laugh when he plays chess?

He thinks it's funny how the Knight moves.

Why don't Episcopalians play chess?

They don't know the difference between a bishop and a queen

What's the difference between a women's track team and a group of midgets playing chess?

The latter is a group of cunning runts.

What do you call two chess enthusiasts bragging in a lobby?

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

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What did the Australian say when he won a game of chess?

Cheers, mate.

Why can't Michael Jackson play chess?

Because he's dead.

What do you call playing chess against yourself?

Chessturbation.

Why can't Australians play chess?

They keep saying check, mate.

Why are Americans so bad at chess?

Because they don't have 2 towers.

Why is it so confusing to play chess with the British?

It's only check, mate

Why do Australians take forever to play chess?

Because they never make it past the first check, mate.

Why arent the americans playing chess?

they are missing two towers.

Why is America bad at the game Chess?

Because they don't know how to defend their towers.

What is Michael Bay's favorite move in chess?

C4

What did one slice of bread say to the other at the end of a game of chess?

It's stale, mate."

Why don't I play chess with the Prodigy?

they smack my bishop

What does Shrek say when he wins a game of chess?

Shrekmate.

Why are white people bad at chess?

They think all the white pieces are kings.

What's a pirate's favorite move in chess?

Check, matey.

Why does the Pope always win at chess?

He has so many Bishops!

Why do North Americans hate playing chess?

Cause they lack the towers.

Why do the /r/jokes moderators like chess?

It's the only chance they have to mate.

Why is chess confusing in Australia?

That's check, mate."

What do you call a crowd of chess players bragging about their wins in a hotel lobby?

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

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Why doesn't your menu list prices?

Waiter: We didn't want to make you sick before the food does.

Why don't you have doggie bags?

Waiter: That would be cruelty to animals.

Michael Bay Jokes More Michael Bay Jokes

What do you call hiding in a Michael Bay movie?

Kabamouflage

Why did Michael Bay jump off a bridge?

Cause Tony Scott did it first.

New Yorkers Jokes More New Yorkers Jokes

Why can't New Yorkers play chess?

They're short 2 towers.

Why do New Yorkers like to visit Minnesota?

Because that's where the mini apple is!

American Jokes More American Jokes

What's the difference between an American and a moldy piece of bread?

The bread has more culture.

Why did the native american hate snow?

It's white and on his land.

Game Jokes More Game Jokes

What game does a black dad and son play forever?

Hide n' seek

What would Game of Thrones be called if it was about ice cream?

Game of Cones If it was about sword sharpening: Game of Hones If it was just everyone playing Go: Game of Stones If everyone was single: Game of Alones If it was about balls: Game of Throwns If it was about spooky scary skeletons: Game of Bones If everyone used UAVs to fight: Game of Drones If everyone was a banker: Game of Loans If it was about breakfast foods: Game of Scones

2 Jokes More 2 Jokes

What has 2 heads and six legs?

Nirvana

What do you get if 2 black men sleep in a sleeping bag?

A twix bar

Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

Why did Verizon's mailman get fired?

He was losing packets.

Where did the cat go when it lost it's tail?

To the retail store!

Lobby Jokes More Lobby Jokes

How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Hell you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

What did the doctor say to the midget waiting in the lobby?

You're just going to have to be a little patient.