What do you do if your wife starts smoking?

Slow down and use lubricant.

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What kind of tape do kidnappers use?

abDUCT tape

What'd be worse?

Zombie apocalypse or Facebook shutting down and 500 million retards all of sudden using twitter

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What do lesbians use for lubricant?

Tartar sauce!

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Slow down, and possibly use a lubricant