What do you do with a sick chemist?

If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

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Helium Jokes More Helium Jokes

What did Uranium-238 say to Helium when they first met?

IDK

What did the scientist say when he found two isotopes of Helium?

HeHe

Curium Jokes More Curium Jokes

Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium 'the medical elements'?

Because, if you can't 'helium' or 'curium', you 'BARIUM'!

What do you do with an infected chemist?

You try to Curium. If that doesn't work and he dies, then Barium