What does a 500 pound parakeet say?

TWEET!!!

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What did Jesus say when he made his return?

Hey guys! What's goin on Tweet my return! #JesusReturns"

Why did the bird go to the restaurant?

Tweet!

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What does a 500 pound parakeet say?

TWEET!!!

What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog asleep on your bed?

Sleep on the sofa.