What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog asleep on your bed?

Sleep on the sofa.

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Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

How did Jared lose 150lbs?

He kicked two 7-year-olds out of his bed.

How can you tell when it's time to go to bed at Michael Jacksons house?

When the big hand touches the little hand

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

Where would you find the scientist who loved to f$k dogs?

In the lab.

How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb?

You will find out when the light comes on.

Sleep Jokes More Sleep Jokes

How do you get your wife to listen to every word without interrupting?

Talk in your sleep.

What should you do if you find a snake sleeping in your bed ?

Sleep in the wardrobe !

Sofa Jokes More Sofa Jokes

Why did the woman turn to her husband and say "now who the hell would dump such a nice sofa out here in the woods?

She was looking at a bear and thought it was a sofa due to the four legs.

Why is a sofa like a roast chicken ?

Because they're both full of stuffing !

500 Pound Jokes More 500 Pound Jokes

What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog asleep on your bed?

Sleep on the sofa.

What does a 500 pound parakeet say?

TWEET!!!