How do you get your wife to listen to every word without interrupting?

Talk in your sleep.

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What do you call a wife that knows where her husband is at all time?

A widow

How's the ventriloquism going?

ME: Not good. WIFE: But I got you that Ventriloquism For Dummies book. ME: I don't think he read it.

Talk Jokes More Talk Jokes

What are your desires?

Me: My desires are..imagines having a talking Pug named Maurice that I watch Netflix with...Unconventional.

Why didn't the dog speak to his foot ?

Because it's not polite to talk back to your paw !

Sleep Jokes More Sleep Jokes

Why did the bear run around his bed?

He wanted to catch up on his sleep.

What does a man often wake with, but can never go to sleep with?

An alarm, you pervert!

Interrupt Jokes More Interrupt Jokes

What does the interrupting cow say?

HE SAYS MOO oh wait this joke totally doesn't work in text

Why does the CPU never get any work done?

Because it gets interrupted constantly.

Listen Jokes More Listen Jokes

What do you call the James Brown songs no one listens to?

Defunct funk.

Why did the hipster only listen to dead musicians?

So he could say he listened to them when they were underground.

Word Jokes More Word Jokes

How do you describe Catwoman in one word?

Purrfect

Whats a word that white people can call white people but black people cannot call black people?

Dad.