What followed the Big Bang?

The Big Cigarette

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How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey?

Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!

Why did the stoner cross the road?

A: Who else would follow a chicken

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What is your favorite Brian Williams joke?

I was there during the big bang of the universe - Brian Williams

What religion believes in the Big Bang?

Islam.