What is the best thing about gaffer tape ?

It turns "no, no, no" into "mmm, mmm, mmm"

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Who, you ask, turns the AC on during a polar vortex?

Sociopaths, fascist dictators, my boyfriend.

Why do they call it the Xbox360?

Because when you see it, you turn 360 degrees and walk away.

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What's the best thing to bring to your holiday party?

A Christmas tree. Because they're lit.

Whats the best thing Orlando Bloom's ever been in?

Katy Perry

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What is the best part about duct tape?

It can turn "no, no, no!" Into "mmm, mmm, mmm"

What did the pig say when he found a line of ants in his trough?

Mmm. Canapes."