What pen company did Lance Armstrong buy?

Uniball

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Who the hell buys furniture online?

Why would you buy a chair or couch you can't even sit in What if it has burlap cushions stuffed w/hay

What, I'm Asian?

slides off Uggs & infinity scarf inside Starbucks* *buys a bonsai tree*

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What do the Patriots and Lance Armstrong have in common?

They only have one good ball.

How many tries did it take to find out if Lance Armstrong was ticklish?

One testtickle