What's 18 inches long and never gets used?

Leonardo DiCaprio's acceptance speech.

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Use Jokes More Use Jokes

What do you get when you cross an ape with a calculator?

A Hairy Reasoner. (Andy Rooney used to enjoy this one)

How many monastic women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None... they live an ascetic lifestyle and prefer to not use electricity.

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What's 18 inches long and never gets used?

Leonardo DiCaprio's acceptance speech.

What is 18 inches long, pink, squishy, and makes women cry?

SIDS

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How do you call a scalped Leonardo DiCaprio?

Leonardo DiCabrio

Why does Leonardo DiCaprio love his fast car?

Because he got an award for revvin' it.