What's it like to have a social life?

Asking for a friend.

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What do you tell someone who doesn't like Depeche Mode?

Enjoy the silence.

Why did the rabbi walk into the bar?

Because he likes oldfashioned jokes.

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When she asks "is that your puppy?

say "No. That's my dad." Then storm off.

What does a guy want more than anything in the world?

It doesn't matter. He has to ask his wife first.

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What does an amoeba call its friend?

Cell mate.

Why should every woman know a C++ programmer?

Because they'll always let friends access their private members. Ba dum tiss.