What's the best part of having a kid?

The chewy center.

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What playground equipment do kids hate the most?

The slide into poverty.

What did the buffalo say to his kid when he sent him off to college?

Bison

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What's the best side of the house to build a deck on?

The outside

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an unwilling agnostic, and a dyslexic?

Somebody who stays up all night torturing himself mentally over the question whether or not theres a dog.