What's the best part of having a kid?

The chewy center.

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How do '90s kids count to 6?

Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, cinco, seis.

What did the kid with no arms and legs get for Christmas?

Cancer

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What's the best part about sleeping with a Cubs fan?

They're used to disappointment.

What's the best part about taking a shower with an 11 year old girl?

If you slick her hair back, she looks like an 8 year old boy.