What's the difference between a hammer and a mallet?

I don't remember the rest of the joke, but your mother's a whore.

This joke may have profanity.

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What's the difference between an alcoholic and a necrophiliac?

One goes to the bar for a cold one. The other goes to a morgue.

What's the difference between Julius Caesar and Genghis Khan?

Caesar: "I came, I saw, I conquered." Khan: "I conquered, I saw, I came."

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Why did the cookie not laugh at your joke?

Because it was crumby.

What would be the best color to make a joke about?

I was thinking black, but I'm not sure it would work?

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How do you get your stomach pumped?

Swallow a speaker playing "Remember the Name"

What is an out of date joke you still remember?

One from the 90's: What do you call a little burro A Burrito. What do you call a little taco A Taquito What do you call a little judge A Judge Ito

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What do you call a communist hip-hop musician?

MC Hammer and Sickle.

How did the handyman feel after going to the bar?

He was hammered.