What's the opposite of the word uncle-off-her?

It's an aunt- -him.

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Opposite Jokes More Opposite Jokes

What is the opposite of paranoia?

Thinking you are following someone.

What's the opposite of drunken noodles?

Soba noodles!

Word Jokes More Word Jokes

What is the best gift you can give your girlfriend for your anniversary?

Nothing. It's a gift she will always remember. Edit: Wording clarified (Thanks to therinnovator).

What do you call a lawyer up to his neck in cement?

Not enough cement EDIT: Okay thanks for pointing out that I messed up the wording but the joke is supposed to be the funny part

Uncle Jokes More Uncle Jokes

What's worse than ants in your pants?

Uncles

How many r/jokes commenters does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know but that reminds me of a similar joke my uncle used to tell...