Opposite Jokes

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

Christopher Walken

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Why is Kevin Hart the opposite of Michael Schumacher?

His life improved after he met the rock.

What is the opposite of irony?

Wrinkly.

What do you call a lawmaker in a society ruled by horses that says one thing but does the opposite?

A hippocratic hypocrite.

What's the opposite of progress?

congress.

What's the opposite of a pharmacist?

A harmacist

What do you call the opposite of a cynic?

a dupe.

What is the opposite of Turkish?

Pig Latin

What's the opposite of marshmellow?

Well, I guess it would be marshmadness

Who's the opposite of Willem Dafoe?

Willem DaFriend.

What's the opposite of effort?

F it.

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What is the opposite of a protein?

An amateur teen ( )

What's the opposite of drunken noodles?

Soba noodles!

What's the opposite of shell shock?

Shell expectation

What is the opposite of a meme?

A youyou

What's the opposite of the word uncle-off-her?

It's an aunt- -him.

What's the opposite of a hipster?

A napster

What is the opposite of leapfrog?

Toadstool

Whats the opposite of under?

Der.

What's the opposite of evening?

unevening.

What is the opposite of an autistic?

What is the opposite of an autistic? A Socialist.

What is the opposite of an autist?

A socialist.

Why do people buy smart cars?

Because opposites attract.

What is the opposite of paranoia?

Thinking you are following someone.

What's the opposite of running away and getting married?

Anteloping.

What's the opposite of Stephen Hawking?

Stephen Talking.

Why do people love their smartphones so much?

Because opposites attract. (Told to me by 2 students today, loved it!)

What's the opposite of condescending?

gif(http://25.media.tumblr.com/6b1b800af79638830eef30deb8163bbf/tumblrms1l531JGu1s29n2zo1250.gif)

What is the opposite of peace?

is the question.

What's the opposite of Easter?

Wester

What's the opposite of Tim Walken?

Tim Daly.

What's the opposite of quantum physics?

Logic. (If you don't like physics jokes, just keep movin') ...(if you don't like math jokes, trust me, sometimes it makes a difference).

What's the opposite of a somersault?

A winter pepper.

What is the opposite of Dominoes?

Domi does not know....

What is the opposite of progress?

colgatereally)Congress.

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

Christopher Walken. (Not sure if it's a repost, but I don't think I've seen it posted here.)

What's the opposite of pro?

Con. So what's the opposite of progress

What is the opposite of Imagination?

I have no idea.

What's the opposite of the Sun?

The Guardian.

Whats the opposite of nickle back?

Bill front (Money jokes i got em)

What's the opposite of an antijoke?

An unclejoke

What is the Opposite of Palindrom?

NTSCindrom HAHAAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAAHAHA

What's the opposite of ennui?

Off-ui. from *Gilmore Girls*.

Whats the opposite of feminism?

Common sense

What is the opposite of /r/upliftingnews?

r/news

What's the opposite of Adele?

Amac or BB-Mac (you pick which one's funnier)

What is the opposite of an iPad Mini?

A Maxi Pad

What's the opposite of 4chan?

4chad

What is the opposite of pro?

Con. What is the opposite of progress Congress.

What's the opposite of funny?

answer: Jay Leno

What's the opposite of "lily white"?

A racist term of some sort.

What is the opposite of Karen Carpenter and John Denver duo?

Two Live Crew

What is the opposite of a cold front?

A warm back

What is the opposite of Polygamy?

gt What is the opposite of Polygamy Monotony

What is the opposite of a Predator?

a Postdator

What's the opposite of critical thinking?

Critical theory.

What's the opposite of a hot dog "Um...a cold cat?

Exactly. Now let's talk about Fluffy

What's the opposite of Kathmandu?

Dogwomandon't.

What two states are opposites?

A: Maryland and Misury

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American Jokes More American Jokes

Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables?

In an American nursing home.

What do you call a person who knows 3 languages?

Trilingual. What do you call a person who knows 2 languages Bilingual. What do you call a person who knows only one language American.

Turkish Jokes More Turkish Jokes

What are Turkish cattle best known for?

Mootiny.

Why did the chickens cross the road?

Because they were Turkish.

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

How many blind people does it take to change a light bulb?

None if nobody's looking.

What brand is it?

Me: *looks puzzled*licks lips* It's donut glaze.

Guess Jokes More Guess Jokes

What's the most popular game at a nursing home?

Guess who

What kind of fish would be good to tune a piano?

Oh, you guessed it right ... the tuna fish!

Improve Jokes More Improve Jokes

Why are highly successful people named Mark always so depressed?

Because they can't stop hitting themselves. This joke came to me while I was half asleep this morning. I'm not sure how original it is. I probably heard some variation of it somewhere and have just forgotten. Any suggestions for improving it?

Why is Kevin Hart the opposite of Michael Schumacher?

His life improved after he met the rock.

Thing Jokes More Thing Jokes

Whats the first thing a woman does when she gets to the battered shelter?

The dishes if she knows whats good for her.

What's the first thing the cannibal did after he dumped his girlfriend?

Wiped.

Pig Latin Jokes More Pig Latin Jokes

What is the opposite of Turkish?

Pig Latin

Why is it called "pig latin"?

ecausebay ronyiay

Live Jokes More Live Jokes

Why are muslim people so kind-hearted?

Because they don't live long, especially when they're a bomb

What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?

A sandwich.