Uncle Jokes

What's worse than ants in your pants?

Uncles

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What do you get when you have an ant with 8 legs?

An uncle that has to build a bigger shoe closet...

Why was the little ant confused?

Because his uncles are aunts.

What's the opposite of the word uncle-off-her?

It's an aunt- -him.

Me: I don't know Her: The green guy! Who lives in the red house? Me: The red guy Her: Yes! Who lives in the blue house? Me: The blue guy Her: Yeah! Who lives in the yellow house? Me: The yellow guy Her: Who lives in the white house? Now since I've heard this "riddle" before, I knew the trick answer. I was ready to answer The President! when my uncle blurted out: The black guy!!

What did the stormtrooper say when he was frying Luke's aunt and uncle?

I'm burning, I'm burning, I'm burning Beru.

Why was the baby ant confused?

Because all of it's Uncles were Aunts(Ants)

Why was the baby ant so confused?

Because all of his uncles were ants!

How do ants hide from aardvarks?

They disguise themselves as uncles!

Where is the fire at?

The man replies: it's back there, I'm just going to get the water! (This is a true story, my uncle really said this)

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How many r/jokes commenters does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know but that reminds me of a similar joke my uncle used to tell...

What does my Uncle and my account balance have in common?

I cry whenever I see them.

Why an Aunt?

I can understand why an Uncle would be in there.

Why is it quicker to build a snowman than a snowwoman?

It takes too long to hollow out her head. (I got this one from my uncle)

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What's the opposite of running away and getting married?

Anteloping.

Why is Kevin Hart the opposite of Michael Schumacher?

His life improved after he met the rock.

Confuse Jokes More Confuse Jokes

How do you confuse an AP student?

Make the first 21 questions all be the answer C.

How do you confuse a drummer?

Give him sheet music

Post Jokes More Post Jokes

How do you ruin a good joke?

By posting it over and over on the same subreddit

Why didnt the illiterate man like my post on r/Jokes?

He's never Reddit.

Cook Jokes More Cook Jokes

Why did the blonde call the welfare office?

She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

did you know the first French fries weren't cooked in France?

they were cooked in Greece

White House Jokes More White House Jokes

What do you call a person in the White House who is honest, intelligent, and law-abiding?

A tourist.

Who lives there?

The yellow man lives in the yellow house. The purple man lives in the purple house. The red man in the red house. And the blue man in the blue house. So who lives in the White House? The black man. It's better in person, I'm so sorry.