What time of day are you not able to find your watch?

4:04

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Where do you find an old Onion article?

In thier archives.

Why do telescopes like the Moon so much?

Because they find him very down to earth.

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What is the name of your Russian coworker you see the next day?

C. U. Tomorov

What's the best time of the day?

6:30...

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What' the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef, but not everyone can pea soup. (As told by my 8yo, who made me laugh with a joke for the first time. Proud dad moment.)

How do you give a time-out to a Mexican child?

Have him stand against a wall.

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What TV station do bees watch ?

Bee bee c one!

What is the last thing a redneck says before he dies?

ya'll watch this!