When does one play a corny game?

You play it by ear.

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Why is football the single best sport?

Because americans don't play it.

What do you call a cow that plays the guitar?

A Moosician!

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What kind of speech did the farmer give his cornfield?

It didn't matter, they were all ears

What did Van Gogh's mother say to him when he was sad?

Wipe away those ears.