Where does Dracula buy his writing supplies?

Pencilvania.

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Why did Harry Potter buy so many golden snitches?

Because they were only a quideach

How is food purchased an an Irish grocery?

You buy it per-tater

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What does Dracula say to his victims?

It's been nice gnawing you.

What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a cold?

Coffin medicine.