What's long and thick and turns conservative women on?

The Bible

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Turn Jokes More Turn Jokes

Where is the water main?

so I turned on the tap & said, "Right here, main."

What do women and fuses have in common?

They blow when they get turned on.

Bible Jokes More Bible Jokes

How do you starve a right wing christian?

Hide their money in their bible.

Who is the richest person in the Bible?

The Pharao's daughter. She went to the bank of the Nile to pick up a little prophet.