Which snakes are found on cars?

Windscreen vipers.

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How did the steak knife find himself after drunk driving?

In car, serrated

What's green and lays in a ditch while covered in cookie crumbs?

The Girl Scout that got hit by a car.

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How did you find the steak, sir?

The man looks at her and says "I just moved the potatoes."

What do you find in a rythmic bakery?

A-bun-dance

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What do you call a snake with a degree in engineering?

A Boa Constructor

What do snakes write on the bottom of their letters?

With love and hisses.