Why did i buy a black phone?

So it would run faster!!

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What's the difference between a crackhead and a John?

A crackhead buys crack so he can put it into his pipe and burn it. A John pays so that he can put his pipe into a crack that might burn him.

Where does an octopus go to buy shoes?

Inke

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Why does Mexico always underperform in the summer olympics?

Because everyone that can run, swim or jump is in USA.

Why do police in the US carry a tazer and pepper spray?

In case they run out of bullets.