Why did the hipster's Hot Pocket burn his mouth?

He ate it before it was cool.

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How did the hipster burn his hand?

He was into lightbulbs before they were cool.

How do you burn an Irishman ear?

Ring him while he's ironing...

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Who ate all the crackers?

racist cannibal.

Why was the horse all charged up?

It ate some haywire!