Why is Coolio always able to play craps?

He's got a gangsta's pair a dice.

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What do you call an actor from Alabama that is forced by contract to play a certain character in a production?

Role tied.

Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

Because the captain was standing on the deck! Aargh

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What does British toilet paper and John Wayne have in common?

It's rough, and tough, and doesn't take any crap.

What would a diatomic Calcium molecule look like if existed?

Like Crap or Feces (its the same) WHY Because its Ca=Ca (equal sign is a double bond)