Crap Jokes

What did the fisherman say to the sewage management person?

Would you pull that crap with a net?

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What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

A golfer goes "Whack, crap!", and a skydiver goes " Crap, whack!".

What's so meta that you almost crap your pants?

Metamucil

Why is Coolio always able to play craps?

He's got a gangsta's pair a dice.

What do you call it when a dog craps on your rug?

Carpet bombing.

What do you call it when Superman craps his pants?

Undy-terd.

What do you call a speech so scary it makes you crap your pants?

A dire rhetoric.

Which plant talks the most crap?

Shiitake mushrooms.

What does a bad salesman and a toilet have in common?

They are both full of crap.

How long does it take for a White woman to take a crap?

9 Months.

Why don't asians like to applause?

Because every time they do all they do is crap

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What is it called when a politician craps his pants in a Honda?

Civic doody.

Why do happy Asians always have dirty hands?

If you're happy and you know it, crap your hands."

What the difference between the U.S. Government and a bucket of crap?

The bucket

What does British toilet paper and John Wayne have in common?

It's rough, and tough, and doesn't take any crap.

Why are constipated people so rude?

They don't give a crap

What do you get when a ghost takes a crap?

Rectoplasm.

What would a diatomic Calcium molecule look like if existed?

Like Crap or Feces (its the same) WHY Because its Ca=Ca (equal sign is a double bond)

What'd you do this weekend?

I was shooting craps. "Oh you went to a casino " *flashback to blasting dog turds with shotgun* Um, yeah.

What do you call a coffee made with frothy milk that tastes like crap?

A farte

When the cashier asks me "Is that everything?

I feel like crap inside because obviously my order didn't satisfy her.

Why did the baker's hands stink?

Because he needed a crap.

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Fisherman Jokes More Fisherman Jokes

When does a fisherman offend you the most?

When he's completely out of line

What did the fisherman say to the card magician?

A: Pick a cod, any cod!

Paradise Jokes More Paradise Jokes

Why is Yahtzee better than the Bahamas?

Because it's more than a paradise.

Where does every craps player want to go when they die?

Paradise.

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

Why did the gentleman hold the door?

Because he was dying to do so.

How many billionaires does it take to make a superhero?

Three, two to die and one to never get over it.

Politician Jokes More Politician Jokes

Why do politicians take laxatives?

So they can speak more fluently

What is the best way to stop a politician?

A really strong gust of wind.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a Afghanistan wedding and a terrorist training camp?

Don't ask me, I'm just the drone pilot.

What's the difference between a politician and an actor?

One acts solely for money, the other is the actor.

Toilet Jokes More Toilet Jokes

What did Euler see in the toilet?

Natural log

Why can't you tell when a Pteradactyl goes to the toilet?

Because the P is silent.

Like Jokes More Like Jokes

What's a funny non-racist joke a Polish person would laugh at?

Just trying to make a Polish girl I like laugh

Why do so many white people do meth?

Nobody likes a cracker without salt. *I'm white*

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What can I get for you, Ma'am?

She says "Nothing, just wanted to tell you I'm vegan."

Why did Fetty Wap chose that as his stage name?

Because he wanted to make $50K per day from ad revenue.