Crap Jokes

What did the fisherman say to the sewage management person?

Would you pull that crap with a net?

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

A golfer goes "Whack, crap!", and a skydiver goes " Crap, whack!".

What's so meta that you almost crap your pants?

Metamucil

Why is Coolio always able to play craps?

He's got a gangsta's pair a dice.

What do you call it when a dog craps on your rug?

Carpet bombing.

What do you call it when Superman craps his pants?

Undy-terd.

What do you call a speech so scary it makes you crap your pants?

A dire rhetoric.

Which plant talks the most crap?

Shiitake mushrooms.

What does a bad salesman and a toilet have in common?

They are both full of crap.

How long does it take for a White woman to take a crap?

9 Months.

Why don't asians like to applause?

Because every time they do all they do is crap

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What is it called when a politician craps his pants in a Honda?

Civic doody.

Why do happy Asians always have dirty hands?

If you're happy and you know it, crap your hands."

What the difference between the U.S. Government and a bucket of crap?

The bucket

What does British toilet paper and John Wayne have in common?

It's rough, and tough, and doesn't take any crap.

Why are constipated people so rude?

They don't give a crap

What do you get when a ghost takes a crap?

Rectoplasm.

What would a diatomic Calcium molecule look like if existed?

Like Crap or Feces (its the same) WHY Because its Ca=Ca (equal sign is a double bond)

What'd you do this weekend?

I was shooting craps. "Oh you went to a casino " *flashback to blasting dog turds with shotgun* Um, yeah.

What do you call a coffee made with frothy milk that tastes like crap?

A farte

When the cashier asks me "Is that everything?

I feel like crap inside because obviously my order didn't satisfy her.

Why did the baker's hands stink?

Because he needed a crap.

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Politician Jokes More Politician Jokes

Why doesn't God want to argue with Satan?

Because Satan has more politicians to help him.

What's the difference between a baby and a politician?

Saying they are full of sh*t means 2 completely different things.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a woman and a toilet?

The toilet doesn't insist on cuddling after you drop your load in it.

What's the difference between a good joke and a bad joke?

please let me know... I have a terrible sense of humor!

Speech Jokes More Speech Jokes

Why is Reddit the best place for freedom of speech?

removed

Why is it hard to hold a speech at a nudist convention?

It does not help to imagine people in their underwear.

Microwave Jokes More Microwave Jokes

What do you see when you go to the tiny beach?

Microwaves.

Why was the surfer such a bad cook?

All he could handle was the microwave

Slap Jokes More Slap Jokes

What do you call an Asian prize fighter who's dad has a serious case of diarrhea?

A slap happy jappy with a crap happy pappy

Why did the customer slap the cashier?

Because he was checking her out.

Holy Crap Jokes More Holy Crap Jokes

What goes in God's Toilet?

Holy crap.

What did Ghost A say to Ghost B?

Nothing because ghosts don't exist. Edit:Holy crap I just realized I didn't post this on /r/antijokes.

Superman Jokes More Superman Jokes

What is Superman when he removes his suit?

Man.

What do you call it when Superman craps his pants?

Undy-terd.

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

Why do procrastinators live the longest?

Because they die at the last second.

What did Kermit the Frog say after Jim Hensen died?

Nothing...