Crap Jokes

What did the fisherman say to the sewage management person?

Would you pull that crap with a net?

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What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

A golfer goes "Whack, crap!", and a skydiver goes " Crap, whack!".

What's so meta that you almost crap your pants?

Metamucil

Why is Coolio always able to play craps?

He's got a gangsta's pair a dice.

What do you call it when a dog craps on your rug?

Carpet bombing.

What do you call it when Superman craps his pants?

Undy-terd.

What do you call a speech so scary it makes you crap your pants?

A dire rhetoric.

Which plant talks the most crap?

Shiitake mushrooms.

What does a bad salesman and a toilet have in common?

They are both full of crap.

How long does it take for a White woman to take a crap?

9 Months.

Why don't asians like to applause?

Because every time they do all they do is crap

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What is it called when a politician craps his pants in a Honda?

Civic doody.

Why do happy Asians always have dirty hands?

If you're happy and you know it, crap your hands."

What the difference between the U.S. Government and a bucket of crap?

The bucket

What does British toilet paper and John Wayne have in common?

It's rough, and tough, and doesn't take any crap.

Why are constipated people so rude?

They don't give a crap

What do you get when a ghost takes a crap?

Rectoplasm.

What would a diatomic Calcium molecule look like if existed?

Like Crap or Feces (its the same) WHY Because its Ca=Ca (equal sign is a double bond)

What'd you do this weekend?

I was shooting craps. "Oh you went to a casino " *flashback to blasting dog turds with shotgun* Um, yeah.

What do you call a coffee made with frothy milk that tastes like crap?

A farte

When the cashier asks me "Is that everything?

I feel like crap inside because obviously my order didn't satisfy her.

Why did the baker's hands stink?

Because he needed a crap.

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What's yours?

ME: "I write and want to dir--" "GUNSHOT*

Why would I want to talk to your baby?

On the phone. It's a baby. If I wanted to hear random noises when I talk, I have a husband for that.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a person with a forehead and a fivehead?

A sixth sense

What is the difference between an abusive relationship and The Chainsmokers ?

Nothing, The hits keep coming

Pant Jokes More Pant Jokes

Why do gangsters save so much money on clothes?

Cause all their pants are half-off

Why do electricians wear pants?

Because they hate shorts.

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What is the difference between a human and a potato?

Time

What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time.

White Woman Jokes More White Woman Jokes

What do white guys do that lasts hours and makes white women scream?

NASCAR

What do you call a white woman that identifies as black?

TransRachel - credit Jennie

Like Jokes More Like Jokes

How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. We are efficient and don't like humour.

Why did the Smackhead kick the habit?

He didn't like nuns.

Paradise Jokes More Paradise Jokes

Why is heaven a paradise for the common man?

Because all the politicians are in hell.

Whose Idea of Paradise is 72 Virgins?

Richard Branson.

Net Jokes More Net Jokes

What sort of net is useless for catching fish ?

A football net !

What's hairy dangerous and only surfs the Net when there's a full moon?

The www.erewolf.