Crap Jokes

What did the fisherman say to the sewage management person?

Would you pull that crap with a net?

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

A golfer goes "Whack, crap!", and a skydiver goes " Crap, whack!".

What's so meta that you almost crap your pants?

Metamucil

Why is Coolio always able to play craps?

He's got a gangsta's pair a dice.

What do you call it when a dog craps on your rug?

Carpet bombing.

What do you call it when Superman craps his pants?

Undy-terd.

What do you call a speech so scary it makes you crap your pants?

A dire rhetoric.

Which plant talks the most crap?

Shiitake mushrooms.

What does a bad salesman and a toilet have in common?

They are both full of crap.

How long does it take for a White woman to take a crap?

9 Months.

Why don't asians like to applause?

Because every time they do all they do is crap

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What is it called when a politician craps his pants in a Honda?

Civic doody.

Why do happy Asians always have dirty hands?

If you're happy and you know it, crap your hands."

What the difference between the U.S. Government and a bucket of crap?

The bucket

What does British toilet paper and John Wayne have in common?

It's rough, and tough, and doesn't take any crap.

Why are constipated people so rude?

They don't give a crap

What do you get when a ghost takes a crap?

Rectoplasm.

What would a diatomic Calcium molecule look like if existed?

Like Crap or Feces (its the same) WHY Because its Ca=Ca (equal sign is a double bond)

What'd you do this weekend?

I was shooting craps. "Oh you went to a casino " *flashback to blasting dog turds with shotgun* Um, yeah.

What do you call a coffee made with frothy milk that tastes like crap?

A farte

When the cashier asks me "Is that everything?

I feel like crap inside because obviously my order didn't satisfy her.

Why did the baker's hands stink?

Because he needed a crap.

You might also enjoy:

White Woman Jokes More White Woman Jokes

Why do black men weep when they make love to white women?

Mace.

What do you call a white woman with a yeast infection?

A cracker with cheese

Fisherman Jokes More Fisherman Jokes

What did the fisherman say to the fisherwoman?

Your place or mine

Whats does a fisherman and a teen have in common?

They both fiddle with a rod

Slap Jokes More Slap Jokes

What did the five fingers say to the face?

SLAP!

How do you like it?

Me: Salty...of course *slaps down $20 CG: We'll take two pretzels with salt Get outta the gutter pervs

Carpet Jokes More Carpet Jokes

What do you call a Pixar film about Carpets?

A Rug's Life.

Why does carpet never make a sound?

It's the world's quietest pervert.

Rug Jokes More Rug Jokes

How do u kno the deceased?

I was his drug dealer. "Louder for the tape " leans in I was his rug feeler. Tested his rugs.

What does a carpet salesman give his wife for Valentine's Day?

Rugs and kisses!

Shiitake Jokes More Shiitake Jokes

Why did the Japanese guy get mad and kick the mushroom?

He was sick of all its shiitake.

Which plant talks the most crap?

Shiitake mushrooms.

Applause Jokes More Applause Jokes

What do you call a group of Chlamydia bacteria?

An applause....

Why don't asians like to applause?

Because every time they do all they do is crap

Asian Jokes More Asian Jokes

Why do certain asian boxers hate the Rebel Alliance?

Because they are Thai fighters.

Why are there no asian knights?

Armor is pretty much useless once there's a chink in it.