Crap Jokes

What did the fisherman say to the sewage management person?

Would you pull that crap with a net?

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

A golfer goes "Whack, crap!", and a skydiver goes " Crap, whack!".

What's so meta that you almost crap your pants?

Metamucil

Why is Coolio always able to play craps?

He's got a gangsta's pair a dice.

What do you call it when a dog craps on your rug?

Carpet bombing.

What do you call it when Superman craps his pants?

Undy-terd.

What do you call a speech so scary it makes you crap your pants?

A dire rhetoric.

Which plant talks the most crap?

Shiitake mushrooms.

What does a bad salesman and a toilet have in common?

They are both full of crap.

How long does it take for a White woman to take a crap?

9 Months.

Why don't asians like to applause?

Because every time they do all they do is crap

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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Coffee Mug

What is it called when a politician craps his pants in a Honda?

Civic doody.

Why do happy Asians always have dirty hands?

If you're happy and you know it, crap your hands."

What the difference between the U.S. Government and a bucket of crap?

The bucket

What does British toilet paper and John Wayne have in common?

It's rough, and tough, and doesn't take any crap.

Why are constipated people so rude?

They don't give a crap

What do you get when a ghost takes a crap?

Rectoplasm.

What would a diatomic Calcium molecule look like if existed?

Like Crap or Feces (its the same) WHY Because its Ca=Ca (equal sign is a double bond)

What'd you do this weekend?

I was shooting craps. "Oh you went to a casino " *flashback to blasting dog turds with shotgun* Um, yeah.

What do you call a coffee made with frothy milk that tastes like crap?

A farte

When the cashier asks me "Is that everything?

I feel like crap inside because obviously my order didn't satisfy her.

Why did the baker's hands stink?

Because he needed a crap.

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Golfer Jokes More Golfer Jokes

Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?

In case he got a hole-in-one.

What did the dentist say to the golfer?

You have a hole in one. "

Whack Jokes More Whack Jokes

What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

A golfer goes "Whack, crap!", and a skydiver goes " Crap, whack!".

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad sky diver?

The bad golfer goes ::Whack:: "Damn it!" The bad sky diver goes "Damn it!" ::Whack::

Paradise Jokes More Paradise Jokes

Where does every craps player want to go when they die?

Paradise.

Whose Idea of Paradise is 72 Virgins?

Richard Branson.

Net Jokes More Net Jokes

What are the four elements?

Pupil: Fire Earth Water and the Internet. Teacher: What do you mean the Internet Pupil: Well Mum says that whenever I'm on the Net I'm in my element.

What sort of net is useless for catching fish ?

A football net !

Dad Jokes More Dad Jokes

What's the difference between a boy and a girl?

His dad answers, "Well, there's a vas deferens!"

Where do cows stay when they go on vacation?

In a moooo-tel. I just thought of this sitting in my hotel room. Sometimes I feel like i dad joke so hard I impregnate my girlfriend from 100 miles away.

Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

Why is a dog like a baseball player?

He runs for home when he sees the catcher coming.

Why are they arresting that dog?

What did he do?!? (My 6yo upon seeing a police dog sitting in the back of a police car.)

Like Jokes More Like Jokes

What do you call a fish that likes to cook?

Bobby Fillet

How are the Mafia and the Amish similar?

They both don't like wires

Case Jokes More Case Jokes

A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep.

A full one, in case he gets thirsty, and an empty one, in case he doesn’t.

What did you just do?

CAT: *bolts for no apparent reason* ME: *bolts in the opposite direction in case she's after both of us*