Crap Jokes

What did the fisherman say to the sewage management person?

Would you pull that crap with a net?

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

A golfer goes "Whack, crap!", and a skydiver goes " Crap, whack!".

What's so meta that you almost crap your pants?

Metamucil

Why is Coolio always able to play craps?

He's got a gangsta's pair a dice.

What do you call it when a dog craps on your rug?

Carpet bombing.

What do you call it when Superman craps his pants?

Undy-terd.

What do you call a speech so scary it makes you crap your pants?

A dire rhetoric.

Which plant talks the most crap?

Shiitake mushrooms.

What does a bad salesman and a toilet have in common?

They are both full of crap.

How long does it take for a White woman to take a crap?

9 Months.

Why don't asians like to applause?

Because every time they do all they do is crap

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What is it called when a politician craps his pants in a Honda?

Civic doody.

Why do happy Asians always have dirty hands?

If you're happy and you know it, crap your hands."

What the difference between the U.S. Government and a bucket of crap?

The bucket

What does British toilet paper and John Wayne have in common?

It's rough, and tough, and doesn't take any crap.

Why are constipated people so rude?

They don't give a crap

What do you get when a ghost takes a crap?

Rectoplasm.

What would a diatomic Calcium molecule look like if existed?

Like Crap or Feces (its the same) WHY Because its Ca=Ca (equal sign is a double bond)

What'd you do this weekend?

I was shooting craps. "Oh you went to a casino " *flashback to blasting dog turds with shotgun* Um, yeah.

What do you call a coffee made with frothy milk that tastes like crap?

A farte

When the cashier asks me "Is that everything?

I feel like crap inside because obviously my order didn't satisfy her.

Why did the baker's hands stink?

Because he needed a crap.

You might also enjoy:

Asian Jokes More Asian Jokes

What, I'm Asian?

slides off Uggs & infinity scarf inside Starbucks* *buys a bonsai tree*

What's the hardest part of golf for asians?

Driving

Die Jokes More Die Jokes

What do you call a natural blonde who dies her hair?

Artificial intelligence.

Why do Europeans hate American food?

Europeans don't want to die yet. Unlike Americans who don't wanna diet.

Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

What's your dog's name?

Icebreaker.

What has two legs and bleeds?

Half of your dog...I hit it with my car.

Slap Jokes More Slap Jokes

What do you call an Asian prize fighter who's dad has a serious case of diarrhea?

A slap happy jappy with a crap happy pappy

Why did the cow slap the bull?

He didn't play well with udders.

Diarrhea Jokes More Diarrhea Jokes

What does a vampire call a hemophiliac?

Diarrhea.

Why do they thank me in the cafeteria when I pay for my food like I had a choice?

Just tell me "enjoy the diarrhea" and I'll move along.

Politician Jokes More Politician Jokes

What do diapers and politicians have in common?

They both need to be changed after a while for the same reason

What's the difference between a baby and a politician?

Saying they are full of sh*t means 2 completely different things.

Whack Jokes More Whack Jokes

What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

A golfer goes "Whack, crap!", and a skydiver goes " Crap, whack!".

What's the difference between a useless golfer and a useless skydiver?

The home golfer goes WHACK! "Oh no!" Whereas with the skydiver it's vice versa

Like Jokes More Like Jokes

What do neckbeards like to spread on their toast?

Marma'lady

What are the first words Jared Fogle's girlfriend said to him?

Would you like to buy some girl scout cookies, sir?"