What do you call a speech so scary it makes you crap your pants?

A dire rhetoric.

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Pant Jokes More Pant Jokes

When does a Smurf pull his pants down?

Once in a blue moon.

What's 6 inches long hard, bent, and in my pants?

My iPhone 6

Crap Jokes More Crap Jokes

What does British toilet paper and John Wayne have in common?

It's rough, and tough, and doesn't take any crap.

Why are constipated people so rude?

They don't give a crap

Speech Jokes More Speech Jokes

Why does Bernie always hold the podium while giving a speech?

It's tough to stand on your own when you have no spine.

What kind of speech did the farmer give his cornfield?

It didn't matter, they were all ears