What do you call a speech so scary it makes you crap your pants?

A dire rhetoric.

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Pant Jokes More Pant Jokes

What do clouds wear under their pants?

Thunderwear!

Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?

In case he got a hole-in-one.

Crap Jokes More Crap Jokes

Which plant talks the most crap?

Shiitake mushrooms.

What's so meta that you almost crap your pants?

Metamucil

Speech Jokes More Speech Jokes

What kind of speech did the farmer give his cornfield?

It didn't matter, they were all ears

Why does Bernie always hold the podium while giving a speech?

It's tough to stand on your own when you have no spine.