What do you call a speech so scary it makes you crap your pants?

A dire rhetoric.

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Pant Jokes More Pant Jokes

Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?

In case he got a hole-in-one.

What are calories?

Little elves that tighten your waistband on your pants a little every night

Crap Jokes More Crap Jokes

What do you call a coffee made with frothy milk that tastes like crap?

A farte

What'd you do this weekend?

I was shooting craps. "Oh you went to a casino " *flashback to blasting dog turds with shotgun* Um, yeah.

Speech Jokes More Speech Jokes

Why does Bernie always hold the podium while giving a speech?

It's tough to stand on your own when you have no spine.

What did the Physics professor say when he forgot his lines of a speech?

What did the Physics professor say when he forgot his lines of a speech? Give me a moment...ummmm.(momentum)