What'd you do this weekend?

I was shooting craps. "Oh you went to a casino " *flashback to blasting dog turds with shotgun* Um, yeah.

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Shoot Jokes More Shoot Jokes

What sound does an Italian make when you shoot him?

Wop

How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?

Shoot before he hits the water.

Casino Jokes More Casino Jokes

What's the difference between prayer in church and prayer in a casino?

In a casino, you really mean it.

Why was the dietician kicked out of the casino?

He was caught counting carbs.

Blast Jokes More Blast Jokes

What'd you do this weekend?

I was shooting craps. "Oh you went to a casino " *flashback to blasting dog turds with shotgun* Um, yeah.

Why don't astronauts get hungry after being blasted into space?

Because they've just had a big launch.

Shotgun Jokes More Shotgun Jokes

Why can't melons have shotgun weddings?

They cantaloupe

What sound does a shotgun make?

Cobain Cobain

Crap Jokes More Crap Jokes

Why are constipated people so rude?

They don't give a crap

What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

A golfer goes "Whack, crap!", and a skydiver goes " Crap, whack!".

Weekend Jokes More Weekend Jokes

What do vegetables that go to college do on the weekends?

They Turnip

What do computer experts do at weekends?

Go for a disk drive.

Flashback Jokes More Flashback Jokes

How was work?

flashback to me being asked to leave the meeting because I couldn't stop giggling after someone said "abreast" me:Good

Why's the couch smell like pee?

Flashback to me watching The Ring alone Me: *points at son* I think someone had another "accident."