Flashback to me watching The Ring alone Me: *points at son* I think someone had another "accident."
Three. One to get the punchline, and one to point out the math is wrong.
Waiter: The cheesebur- Me: WRONG! *points to the picture I drew on it of Ironman fighting Darth Vader*
Idk. I blame the idiots who wear us with socks."
I met a homeless guy on the beach in Los Angeles & thought "Wow this guy has it made"
Realizing that your being intently watched for your reaction to their sic clouds - BEST RECOGNIZE!
Turns out Martha Stewart is a boss
Son, if at first you don't succeed, Try Hard. If that doesn't work, Try Hard 2. If that still doesn't work, Try Hard with a Vengeance. Remember, you can't pick between the choice to Live Free or Try Hard. They go together. Everyday's A Good Day to Try Hard."
Dad: yea sure yells up to me son, you live with this guy now!
An ex-boxer.
I don't know what you're Tolkien about!" Yeah, sorry.. I know it's dumb.
You can mash potatoes, but you can't pee soup. (sorry sorry. Really. I've loved this joke since I was... oh.. six...)
urine
An Errorist!
flashback to me trying to find the actual Hogwarts* "Grad school."