Why's the couch smell like pee?

Flashback to me watching The Ring alone Me: *points at son* I think someone had another "accident."

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Point Jokes More Point Jokes

What do you call a lawyer up to his neck in cement?

Not enough cement EDIT: Okay thanks for pointing out that I messed up the wording but the joke is supposed to be the funny part

Why did the witch lose her way?

Because her hat was pointing in the wrong direction.

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

What animal will you always see at a resturant?

A DINE-O-SAUR. I think my brother is a future stand-up comic.

Why is YOLO popular all of a sudden?

Was there seriously a problem of people thinking we all lived twice

Watch Jokes More Watch Jokes

Who's winning Went to visit my Granddad. He was watching a basketball game. "What's the score Gramps?

92 to 86." "Who's winning " I asked. "92"

Whatcha watching?

Me: Tiny Houses. 9: Wow it's tiny! Who's gonna live there Me: Two people. 9: Are they married Me: Not for long.

Son Jokes More Son Jokes

What do u say?

SON: I WILL CRUSH MY ENEMIES ME: *nervous laughter* No, the other thing SON: Oh. Thank you

What did the dad buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school?

Bison

Ring Jokes More Ring Jokes

How do you burn an Irishman ear?

Ring him while he's ironing...

Why did Pavlov ring a bell every time a breeze entered his room?

Air Conditioning

Pee Jokes More Pee Jokes

Why did the model pee herself?

She was all dressed up with no place to go!

Why's the couch smell like pee?

Flashback to me watching The Ring alone Me: *points at son* I think someone had another "accident."

Accident Jokes More Accident Jokes

How many monkeys does it take to write a Shakespeare novel by accident?

As many as it takes submitters to write an original joke. (by accident)

What did the blonde do when she discovered that most accidents happen within a mile from home?

She moved.

Flashback Jokes More Flashback Jokes

How'd the date go?

Not good. Too many red flags. *Flashback to her house being covered with USSR flags* I think she might be a communist.

What'd you do this weekend?

I was shooting craps. "Oh you went to a casino " *flashback to blasting dog turds with shotgun* Um, yeah.