Pee Jokes

Poop: Please don't push. It's already tight in here! Poop to Pee: May I go first? Meanwhile, Fart pushing everyone to the sides.. Fart: Excuse me! Excuse me! I need to go!

What did the toilet say to the pee?

urine

What did the Taliban soldier say to his buddy?

Afgan I pee... Stan he fer me a minute.

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Why is it so hard for an eighty year old woman to pee in the morning?

Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese?!

Why does a pterodactyl always urinate on the side of the bowl?

Because the pee is silent.

What did the poop say to the pee when he was hitting on her?

I may be a two but your an eight..

What happens when everyone in the country takes a pee at the same time?

What happens when everyone in the country takes a pee at the same time? Urine-nation!

What did the judge say to the attractive woman soaked in pee?

You're an eight.

Why did the Teletubbies find it hard to pee?

They only have one Tinkie-Winkie

What does it sound like when a pterodactyl uses the bathroom?

Nothing, the pee is silent

What do you say if your peeing in Ireland and spot a leprechaun?

Urine luck

What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?

You can mash potatoes, but you can't pee soup. (sorry sorry. Really. I've loved this joke since I was... oh.. six...)

What do you call a pirate who is lost at sea and has to drink his own pee to survive?

Aarrrrrrr Kelly!

What did Charlie Bucket say when Willie Wonka peed on him?

I've got a golden tinkle in my eye...

Why did the model pee herself?

She was all dressed up with no place to go!

How do you get a polar bear in the water?

First, you cut a hole in the ice, then you sprinkle some pees around the hole. When the polar bear goes to take a pee, you kick him in the ice hole!

What did the boy pee say to the girl pee?

Urine angel.

Why can't you tell when a pterodactyl is going to the bathroom?

Because the pee is silent.

Why can't chickens pee?

Their pecker's on the wrong end.

This joke may have profanity.

Why do women have trouble peeing in the morning?

You ever tried to open a grilled cheese sandwich

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl when it pees?

Because the p is silent.

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because the pee is silent.

What does Justin Timberlake say when he's going to the bathroom?

It's Gonna Be Pee"

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl peeing?

Because P is silent.

Who cares if you pee in the shower?

The bride and all her guests, apparently.

Why's a pretty girl like you sitting all alone?

Me: I peed my pants.

Why's the couch smell like pee?

Flashback to me watching The Ring alone Me: *points at son* I think someone had another "accident."

What happens if the baby pees?

Pregnant wife: She won't. She waits till she's born 5: Right. Just like no one pees in the pool

What happened to wendy on her way to neverland?

She peed her pants (read out loud)

Why do girls make a "shhhhh" noise while peeing and men don't?

Cos men have a 6 inch silencer.

What can 5 men do that 5 women can't do?

Pee in a cup.

How are you able to stay in bed all morning without getting up to pee?

He replied... ...It's hard

Why didn't Pope John Paul let dogs into the Vatican?

Because they pee on poles.

Why does Euler's Number say it's "going number 2" when it pees?

Because its natural log is 1. I'll show myself out now.

Why did the prophylactic fly across the room?

It was peed off.

What did the priest announce before he went for a bath?

Speak now or forever hold your pee!"

What do dads say when they see someone peeing?

European.

Why bother drinking water?

You're just gonna pee it out. This is what Big Water doesn't want you to know.

What did the doctor say to the man who couldn't pee?

Urine trouble!

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Which knight of the round table had Diabetes?

Sir Lance-a-lot

What's the most insensitive nickname you can give a person with diabetes?

Sweet Pee

Pool Jokes More Pool Jokes

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, who hangs out in your pool?

Bob

How do you get 30 drunk Russians out of the pool?

Put 30 crates of vodka near the pool

Cut Jokes More Cut Jokes

What does a Mexican cut a pizza with?

Little ceasars!!! (Scissors)

Why did the Tumblr user get cut up on Halloween?

She identified as pump-kin.

Ice Jokes More Ice Jokes

What do magistrates have with their water?

Just ice.

Why did the monster put the cake in the freezer?

Because he had been told to ice it.

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

Why does a barber never shave a man with a wooden leg?

Because he always uses a razor.

How can you tell if it was a shared computer used by many staffers?

A: There is writing on the White-out.

5 Jokes More 5 Jokes

What gets you a downvote?

Reposting an old joke that wasn't funny the first time. What gets you an upvote? Posting an original joke, or a funny joke I've heard before. What get's you 5 upvotes? Being

Who has more testicles?

contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

Allow Jokes More Allow Jokes

What do you call fruits that aren't allowed to marry?

OC Cantaloupes.

What's the difference between and elephant and a mail box?

I don't know. I hope you're not allowed to take the mail out to the mail box.

Conference Jokes More Conference Jokes

What do fishermen do at a their conferences?

Network.

What do you call it when you meet somebody in a bathroom at a conference?

Pee-er to pee-er networking (P2P).