Pool Jokes

How do you get 30 drunk Americans out of the pool?

Allahu Akhbarrrr"

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How do you get 30 drunk Russians out of the pool?

Put 30 crates of vodka near the pool

How do you get 30 drunk Canadians out of the pool?

Please Get Out The Pool"

Why do people from Istanbul always swim?

Because they're constant in a pool.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool?

Bob.

What sound does a pool make when someone you don't like jumps in?

DOOOOUUUUCCCCHHHEEEEEE!

What's the term for when the pool breaks during water birth?

A midwife crisis.

What were the French children doing in the pool?

Piscine.

What do you call a depressed dog swimming in a pool?

A watermeloncollie.

Why are they called dive bars?

Because they have pool

What do you call a group of disabled people in a pool?

Vegetable soup. I apologise to those offended by my terrible joke. Have another Whats the hardest part of cooking a vegetable? Getting the wheelchair into the oven

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What do you call five Mexicans on the bottom of a pool?

Sinko :D

How do you get 50 Canadians out of the swimming pool?

Say, " Everyone out of the pool please."

What's Irish and sits by the pool?

Paddy O'Furniture

How did the hipster break his neck?

He jump off the diving board before it was pool.

What do you call five blondes in a pool?

Air bubbles.

What's blue and yellow and sits at the bottom of the pool?

A baby with slashed floaties. What's red and yellow and floats on top of the pool? Floaties with a slashed baby.

How do you get a bunch of Canadians out of a swimming pool?

Say "Get out of the pool."

What do you call a horny guy in a pool?

Driftwood

This joke may have profanity.

How do you know when it's okay to swim in a pool of milk?

When it's past your eyes.

How do remove a bunch of drunk Canadians from the pool?

You ask them to leave.

Why are cops so bad at pool?

Because they can't resist hitting the black ball.

What did Jeffery Dahmer yell when he jumped in the pool?

CANNIBAL!!!

What do you call five Mexicans drowning at the bottom of their pool?

Cinco.

What happened to the skunk who failed his swimming lesson?

He stank to the bottom of the pool!

What's the difference between a paddling pool and a toddler?

The pool doesn't scream when you go in dry.

What's the longest game in the world?

Two women playing pool.

What happens if the baby pees?

Pregnant wife: She won't. She waits till she's born 5: Right. Just like no one pees in the pool

What do you call a man with no arms or legs... ... sitting at your door?

Matt. ...floating in your pool Bob. ...hanging on your wall Art. ... water skiing Skipper.

What'd u ask Santa for 6: a speed boat M: like a Lego boat?

6: no M: oh for the bath 6: no M: the pool 6: *doesnt break eye contact* no

How do you get three drunk, rowdy Canadians out of a pool?

Ask them to get out of the pool.

What do you call a pool full of details?

The specific ocean.

Why can't DJs play pool?

A: They always scratch.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, who hangs out in your pool?

Bob

Why are dolphins cleverer than humans ?

Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish !

Why were the elephants kicked out of the pool?

Because they kept dropping their trunks....

What game do Anti-Vaxxer's kids play in the pool?

Marco Polio

What did Saddam Hussein say every time he played pool?

I rack.

Howdo you drown a blonde?

Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool

What do you call a woman on a cruise ship in Mexico using the diving board at the pool?

A broad abroad on a board aboard.

How do you get 20 Canadians out of a pool?

Okay folks, time to get out of the pool!"

What do you call a child with no arms and no legs swimming in a pool?

Bob.

Why can't a policeman win a game of pool?

Because he always shoots the black one first.

Is the pool safe for diving?

It deep ends.

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Swimming Pool Jokes More Swimming Pool Jokes

How do you drown a blonde?

Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of a swimming pool.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in your swimming pool?

Bob

Kiddie Pool Jokes More Kiddie Pool Jokes

What did the Olympic size swimming pool say to the kiddie pool?

I can't be your friend anymore you're just too shallow!

Why did the kiddie pool have no friends?

Because it was too shallow.

Sit Jokes More Sit Jokes

Why do we have to sit at red lights if nobody's coming the other way?

We don't have to pay our taxes if nobody's checking, right

What do you call an Irishman sitting in your Backyard?

Paddy O'Furniture

Lie Jokes More Lie Jokes

Why are women so bad at parking?

Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.

What do you call the birth of a lie?

Myth-conception

50 Jokes More 50 Jokes

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?

Your Honor.

Why did the kid only water half the lawn?

Because there was a 50% chance of rain

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

Why didn't the mentally challenged kid finish his math test in time?

Because he was too slow.

Why, with twice the population of the United States at the time didn't China invent the airplane first?

Well, two Wongs don't make a Wright.

Slash Jokes More Slash Jokes

What is Shulk from Xenoblade's favorite thing to type?

Back Slash!

What are OJ Simpson's favorite keys on a computer?

Return Home Slash Slash Backslash Shift Shift Shift Escape

Glue Jokes More Glue Jokes

How do you start a rave party in Africa without a soundsystem?

Glue a sandwich on the ceiling.

What's the difference between a tuna, a piano, and a tub of glue?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano tuna.