30 Jokes

How do you get 30 drunk Americans out of the pool?

Allahu Akhbarrrr"

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How do you get 30 drunk Russians out of the pool?

Put 30 crates of vodka near the pool

How do you get 30 drunk Canadians out of the pool?

Please Get Out The Pool"

What do you call someone with no legs?

30 a week poorer.

What did the Irishman text his Wife?

Honey I'm down at the pub having a pint with the lads. Be home in about 30 min. If I'm not back by then please read this message again."

What do Jesus and a nerd have in common?

Both are long-haired, live at their parents' till their 30's, and if they'll do anything, it is considered a miracle.

What if earth rotates 30 times faster?

Interviewer:"If the Earth rotates 30 times faster, what will happen?" engineer:"We will get our salary everyday" :D Think Greedily Act Confidently

How did Helen Keller break her hands?

Reading road signs at 30 MPH

What's the difference between a carpenter and a construction worker?

30 IQ points. This, as any carpenter will tell you, isn't a joke.

How many frames per second does it take to screw in a light bulb?

30 because that's peasants work.

When a 16-inch viola and a 17-inch viola are dropped simultaneously from a 30-story building which one hits the pavement first?

A: Who cares!

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What does Fetty Wap buy when he goes to Walmart?

7 tees, 30 eggs

Why is the man only left with 30?

Credit to Bo Burnham.

What's a magazine?

asked every guy under 30.

What's the worst part about 30 lawyers in a bus going over a cliff?

The bus could fit 30 more lawyers.

What do you call someone who has to shave 30 times a day?

A barber

What are the similarities between a US handgun and a Feminist?

30 of them are triggered every second

Why do Mormon women stop having kids at 29?

Because 30 is too many!

How do you make 30 senior citizens swear?

Shout "Bingo!" before them

What is the difference between a corrupt cop and a disposable camera?

A disposable camera doesn't have to reload 3 times to take 30 shots.

Who can shave 30 times a day and still have a beard?

A barber.

What did they tell the most famous child actress from the 30's when she tried to audition for a role in Harry Potter?

Shirley you can't be Sirius.

How many Irish guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

30 - One to hold the light bulb and 29 to drink until the room spins.

How old do I look?

9yo: 30 Aww, you deserve ice crea- 9yo: Just like grandma -m but too bad you're not getting any

How many Chiropractors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, but they'll take 30 visits to do it.

What if weight loss supplements ads are just made by British people really transparently trying to scam you?

You'll lost 30 for only $42.82! Guaranteed.

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30 Day Jokes More 30 Day Jokes

What's the difference between a camel and a Russian?

A camel can walk for 30 days without drinking but a Russian can drink for 30 days without walking.

What am I supposed to take tomorrow?

Doctor: That was a 30 day supply. Me: Whoops.

Rotate Jokes More Rotate Jokes

What did the mathematician say about vertical videos?

I'm sorry, but the video you filmed is imaginary. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again.

How many theoretical physicists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.

Pay Jokes More Pay Jokes

What Hillary's word for a bribe?

Pay her and she'll speak to you about it.

How does Amazon Mexico pay its employees?

In Jeff Pesos.

Cliff Jokes More Cliff Jokes

Why did Wile E. Coyote have a "Detour" sign pointing to the edge of a cliff?

To throw the Roadrunner off.

What's the worst part about 30 lawyers in a bus going over a cliff?

The bus could fit 30 more lawyers.

Change Jokes More Change Jokes

How many American presidents does it take to change a broken lightbulb?

None, broken lightbulbs have the rights to be treated as a normal lightbulb.

How many "a man walks into a bar" jokes does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but you can be sure a whole Reddit community will appear to expand the joke, make it funnier and eventually run it into the ground.

Watch Jokes More Watch Jokes

What's the best part about getting head from an infant?

Watching the soft spot move.

What's the difference between a suicidal ghost hunter and a weaboo alcohol taster?

One drinks bleach and watches spirits the other drinks spirits and watches Bleach.

American Jokes More American Jokes

How many Americans does it take to screw a lightbulb?

None. Their President outsources the job to India.

How many American cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just beat the room for being black

Burn Jokes More Burn Jokes

Why did the blind guy have a burnt face?

He answered the iron.

What do you call a burnt nugget?

nigget