30 Jokes

How do you get 30 drunk Americans out of the pool?

Allahu Akhbarrrr"

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How do you get 30 drunk Russians out of the pool?

Put 30 crates of vodka near the pool

How do you get 30 drunk Canadians out of the pool?

Please Get Out The Pool"

What do you call someone with no legs?

30 a week poorer.

What did the Irishman text his Wife?

Honey I'm down at the pub having a pint with the lads. Be home in about 30 min. If I'm not back by then please read this message again."

What do Jesus and a nerd have in common?

Both are long-haired, live at their parents' till their 30's, and if they'll do anything, it is considered a miracle.

What if earth rotates 30 times faster?

Interviewer:"If the Earth rotates 30 times faster, what will happen?" engineer:"We will get our salary everyday" :D Think Greedily Act Confidently

How did Helen Keller break her hands?

Reading road signs at 30 MPH

What's the difference between a carpenter and a construction worker?

30 IQ points. This, as any carpenter will tell you, isn't a joke.

How many frames per second does it take to screw in a light bulb?

30 because that's peasants work.

When a 16-inch viola and a 17-inch viola are dropped simultaneously from a 30-story building which one hits the pavement first?

A: Who cares!

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What does Fetty Wap buy when he goes to Walmart?

7 tees, 30 eggs

Why is the man only left with 30?

Credit to Bo Burnham.

What's a magazine?

asked every guy under 30.

What's the worst part about 30 lawyers in a bus going over a cliff?

The bus could fit 30 more lawyers.

What do you call someone who has to shave 30 times a day?

A barber

What are the similarities between a US handgun and a Feminist?

30 of them are triggered every second

Why do Mormon women stop having kids at 29?

Because 30 is too many!

How do you make 30 senior citizens swear?

Shout "Bingo!" before them

What is the difference between a corrupt cop and a disposable camera?

A disposable camera doesn't have to reload 3 times to take 30 shots.

Who can shave 30 times a day and still have a beard?

A barber.

What did they tell the most famous child actress from the 30's when she tried to audition for a role in Harry Potter?

Shirley you can't be Sirius.

How many Irish guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

30 - One to hold the light bulb and 29 to drink until the room spins.

How old do I look?

9yo: 30 Aww, you deserve ice crea- 9yo: Just like grandma -m but too bad you're not getting any

How many Chiropractors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, but they'll take 30 visits to do it.

What if weight loss supplements ads are just made by British people really transparently trying to scam you?

You'll lost 30 for only $42.82! Guaranteed.

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Follow Jokes More Follow Jokes

What's the difference between a girl and a washing machine?

When I dump a load into the washing machine it doesn't follow me around

Which of the following lines will do a better job of frightening a man away?

1) Get away or I'll call the police!!! 2) I love you and want to marry you and have your children.

Max Jokes More Max Jokes

What does a War Boy from Mad Max say when he goes to court to sign an affidavit?

WITNESS ME!"

How does a blonde call for her dog?

She puts two fingers in her mouth and then shouts "Max!".

Burn Jokes More Burn Jokes

How can I ever repay you?

Favstar in the bio "Oh I don't have Twi-" *returns baby to burning building*

What should you do with a burning Kotex?

Throw it on the ground and tamp on it.

American Jokes More American Jokes

Why do Americans weight lift in tank tops?

Because they like to exercise their right to bare arms.

What did the Ukrainian say to the whiny American?

Crimea River.

Interviewer Jokes More Interviewer Jokes

How do you hit those high notes?

Adam Levine: I sold my soul to the devil. Interviewer: Excuse me Adam Levine: Practice.

What strengths do you bring to the job?

long pause while Jesus glares at interviewer* Are you being serious right now

30 Day Jokes More 30 Day Jokes

What's the difference between a camel and a Russian?

A camel can walk for 30 days without drinking but a Russian can drink for 30 days without walking.

What am I supposed to take tomorrow?

Doctor: That was a 30 day supply. Me: Whoops.

Salary Jokes More Salary Jokes

What does a Greek say when he receives his salary?

Danke schon.

What if earth rotates 30 times faster?

Interviewer:"If the Earth rotates 30 times faster, what will happen?" engineer:"We will get our salary everyday" :D Think Greedily Act Confidently

Tonight Jokes More Tonight Jokes

What did one candle say to the other candle?

A: Are you going out tonight

How many more times will I watch "A Walk To Remember" tonight?

As Mandy Moore times as I want to.