Why was George Washington buried on Mount Vernon?

Because he was dead!

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Why do they bury lawyers 20 feet deep?

Because deep down, they're good people. Thanks Saul.

Why was everyone saying such kind, loving words to the man?

The man was a corpse being buried forever.

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What would George Washington do if he were alive right now?

Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.

What's George Washington's favorite element?

Americium-1776