How do mute people tell each others secrets?

They put on mittens.

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How do you read the Gospel According to Shrek?

Open your bible to Psalm BODY ONCE TOLD ME

What's the difference between a vegan, a crossfit instructor, and a psychological test subject?

The test subject is the only one you'd willingly ask to "tell us about yourself."

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Why did the rooster buy mittens?

So his chicken fingers wouldn't get cold. I'll leave now

What did Helen Keller say when she fell into the snow?

Nothing, she was wearing mittens.

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What do you call an Italian with no hands?

Mute

How do you mute an Italian?

Tie up their hands.