How do we know God isn't black?

Because then he would've said "I is who I is"

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How do you know you're on the phone with a meth head?

When comcast puts them on hold and they don't hang up

How do you know you can't trust doctors and lawyers?

Because they both "practice" their professions.

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How is marriage and CPR training the same?

You get a certificate for showing you can do it and hope to god you never have to do it again

Why did god invent patchouli?

So blind people can hate hippies too.