How do you get a Harvard Graduate off your porch?

You pay him for the pizza.

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What do a Harvard lawyer and a Yale lawyer have in common?

They both got accepted to Yale.

How do you know if somebody graduated from Harvard?

They'll tell you.

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How do you get a Harvard graduate off your doorstep?

Tip him for the pizza.

How do you know that someone you met is a Harvard graduate?

He already told you so.