Harvard Jokes

How many Harvard students does it take to change a light bulb?

One. He holds it up and the world revolves around him.

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How many Harvard graduates does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one. He holds up the light bulb, and the world revolves around him

How do you get a Harvard graduate off your doorstep?

Tip him for the pizza.

How do you know that someone you met is a Harvard graduate?

He already told you so.

What's the hardest thing about being a vegan crossfitter who went to Harvard?

Figuring out what to tell you about first.

How do you know someone went to Harvard?

They tell you.

What do Harvard and a virgin have in common?

You try so hard to get in but 9 months later you regret you ever came.

How do you know if somebody graduated from Harvard?

They'll tell you.

What do a Harvard lawyer and a Yale lawyer have in common?

They both got accepted to Yale.

What do all Yale and Harvard students have in common?

They got into Yale.

What kind of batteries does a Harvard undergrad use?

AAA

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How do you get a Harvard Graduate off your porch?

You pay him for the pizza.

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Janitor Jokes More Janitor Jokes

What did the janitor say when he came out of the closet?

SUPPLIES!

Why did the janitor take early retirement?

Because he realized that grime doesn't pay.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

Why are MMA fighters told not to blow their nose when in a fight?

Oops, this was supposed to be for . There's no punch line!

What did the farmer say when the townspeople told him all of his cows were in town..?

I herd.

Somebody Jokes More Somebody Jokes

How does an international banker have a good Friday night?

He goes to a bar and slips somebody a Rupee, then gives them a Franc and some Deutsche Marks.

What do you do if somebody dies Christmas Eve?

Wait 12 hours and have Christmas Mourning

Black Person Jokes More Black Person Jokes

What do you call a black person who smokes?

An e-cigger. I'm going to hell for thinking of this.

When does a black person goes to school?

When it's being built!

Hold Jokes More Hold Jokes

How does a witch make scrambled eggs?

She holds the pan and gets two friends to make the stove shake with fright.

What do you call someone from Zimbabwe holding a bottle cap in their hand?

A trillionaire.

Battery Jokes More Battery Jokes

Why did the cellphone go to court?

Because it was charged with battery.

What's the difference between a feminist and a battery?

Batteries have a positive side! inspired by: http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/2zlrot/howmanyfeministsdoesittaketochangea/

Kind Jokes More Kind Jokes

What kind of girls date firefighters?

Hose.

What kind of melons always have big weddings?

Cantaloupe.

Aaa Jokes More Aaa Jokes

What kind of batteries does a Harvard undergrad use?

AAA

What is the difference between "ooo" and "aaa"?

About three centimeters.