How does a psychic cokehead tell the future?

With a magic 8-ball

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What did the hotel clerk tell the guest with paruresis during check in?

Your in 8.

Why do sumo wrestles shave their legs?

So that you can tell them apart from feminists

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Why was 8 afraid of 7?

Because 7 was a registered 6 offender

Why did the orange go to the doctor?

Because she wasn't peeling very well... All credit to my 8 yo son who suggested I post it here

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How does a woman show she's planning for the future?

Plastic Surgery.

What do ghosts use to predict the future?

Horror-scopes!