Future Jokes

What do you call a black rapper with no future?

Future

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Why aren't there any mexicans in star trek?

They don't work in the future either.

What do you call a crocodile/robot sent from the future to save the past?

Termigator (jesus christ this one's even worse than the last)

What do you call a nose that can see into the future?

Nostrildamus

What do you call an acid trip so hard that it gives you visions of the future?

Psychic-delic.

What do you call a man who can smell the future?

Nostrildamus

What do free masons do when they want to make a frame-by-frame remake of "Back to the Future"?

They Hire 'Em A Biff!

What's the difference between you and a calendar?

A calendar has a future...

What kind of pizzas can tell the future?

Medium Pizzas

Why doesn't ISIS appear in any Sci-Fi shows or movies?

because they are set in the future.

How does a psychic cokehead tell the future?

With a magic 8-ball

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How many people from the future does it take to change a light bulb?

The lightbulb works fine...

How does a man show he's planning for the future?

He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

What is the Fonz looking forward to the most in the future?

The iPhone Ayyyye-t

What was the humor like back then?

I was just wondering about how many jokes today maybe irrelevant 100 years into the future. To test this theory, what are the oldest recorded jokes?

Why are you so ugly?

Boy: I'm you from the future.

How many Biology undergrads does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but doing it will make them think they're going to be an electrician in the future.

What do you call a morbidly obese person who can predict the future?

A four-chin teller.

What is small, dark, and knocking at the door?

The future

What do you call a Mexican who can see into the future?

Cristobal

Why aren't there any Muslims in Star Trek?

Because it's the future

What do you call a hacker who can see the future?

A 4chan teller.

What do ghosts use to predict the future?

Horror-scopes!

Why do people say children are the future?

They are clearly the present. Old people are the future.

Why do Asians have squinty eyes?

because their future is so bright

How do you think we can better handle this in the future?

ME glaring at Cheryl, who took the last donut: idk, maybe don't hire Cheryl

How does a woman show she's planning for the future?

Plastic Surgery.

What would I do if Future tried talking to me?

I'd autotune him out. :)

Why are there no Puerto Rican's in Star Trek?

They won't work in the future either.

Why aren't there any republicans in Star-Trek?

Because it's the future.

What do you call gas from the human body that NASA could impliment into fuel for their technology in the future?

Rocket Farts.

How many Biology undergrads does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but doing it will make them think they're going to be an electrician in the future.

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Set Jokes More Set Jokes

What do you get when you put 32 Rednecks in one room?

One full set of teeth.

What is atheism?

A non-prophet religion Edit: Replace the word "religion" with "set of beliefs" if you're picky about that sort of thing

Picture Jokes More Picture Jokes

How can you tell the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?

The picture doesn't scream when you hang it.

Which elf likes to click pictures?

sELFie

Nose Jokes More Nose Jokes

How do you know when there's a elephant under your bed?

A: Your nose is pressed against the ceiling.

How do you break a Polacks finger?

Punch him in the nose.

Hour Jokes More Hour Jokes

A DHCP packet walks into a bar and asks for a beer.

Bartender says, "here, but I’ll need that back in an hour!"

Why did the blind driver have no hands?

He was reading road signs at 50 miles per hour

Mexican Jokes More Mexican Jokes

What's black, white, asian, and mexican?

A lazy panda.

What do you call Mexicans living in the USA?

Illegal aliens. LOL

Kind Jokes More Kind Jokes

What kind of work out do parrots have on leg day?

SQUAAATS! ...Polly want a cracker.

Which kind of shark is also the saddest dog?

The porbeagle.

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

Why is Superman wanted by the police?

He is wanted for being the Man of Steal.

Why couldn't Robin play cricket?

Because he lost his bat, man.

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

What does a chef and a gravitational wave astronomer have in common?

They both work in gastronomy

How do you tell which truck is the mail truck?

It has huge balls on it. Credit goes to the 70 year old man who just came into my work and made my day.