How is an accordion like an artillery shell?

Once you hear it, it's already too late.

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Why do all Asian kids get straight A's?

Because the ones that don't are never heard from again. I'll be here all day folks.

Who are you with?

and "Just heard our song"

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Which one is the boy you've been seeing?

New GF: *sees me playing accordion* He died

What do you get when you wreck a Honda Accord into a Saturn Ion?

An Accordion. ...I'll, uh, see myself out.